🚶‍♂️✨ David's Final Fundraiser: The Walk of Slightly Increasing Shame ✨🚶‍♀️

Right then, folks — brace yourselves.

I'm raising money for a brilliant local Essex-based Domestic Abuse Charity, and to do it, I’ll be strutting (read: regretting) my way from Stargate to Gynn Square in Blackpool — that’s 4 full miles of flashing lights, funny looks, and fierce wind. But this isn’t just any walk...

Oh no.

This is happening the day after I get married. You read that right — while most newlyweds are off to somewhere warm and romantic, I’ll be recovering from saying “I do” by saying “Oh no, what have I done?” on the streets of Blackpool. And it gets worse... or better, depending on your sense of humour.

A GoFundMe page will be live soon (Around May or June), and here’s where YOU come in. The more you donate, the more ridiculous I look and embarrassed my dignity gets. It’s a win-win for some and well yeah I hit the big amount, win for Charity and me.

Let me break it down for you:

🌟 Tier 1 – Under £500

“That’s not so bad…”

I walk the lights in a t-shirt and shorts. In late October. In Blackpool. Where the wind cuts through your soul and the seagulls judge you. I’ll basically be dressed for a summer BBQ in a place that’s halfway to Narnia.

👗 Tier 2 – £500 to £1000

“Ah, now we’re getting somewhere…”

I upgrade the look to a skirt or dress (To be decided. This is based on donations and whether I can still look my in-laws in the eye after this and they consider me a son in-law).

At £750, I'll add socks or tights  — because nothing says commitment like frozen dodgy kneecaps wrapped in nylon.

💄 Tier 3 – Over £1000

“We’re entering drag race territory now…”

Full makeup, lovingly (and terrifyingly) applied by my partner, who is way too excited about this. (the laughs she has when telling people, I am worried)

She’s also mentioned nails, lashes, and “just a bit of contouring” — which sounds like code for “I’m turning you into a Real domestic Housewife, with a future booking on the Jeremy Kyle show.”

• £1250? Boom — PIGTAILS. Because they won't make my look silly in a Dress on Blackpool sea Front in the height of light season, will they?.
   
• £1500? Say hello to high heels. Pray for my ankles, my arms, neck and the ground I will probably getting cosy with.  I'll be staggering around like a man that drowned his sorrows after his football team just lost in the FA Cup Quarter Finals in the 90th+15 Minutes when the Referee gave only 7 minutes in the Pub all evening. I'll be like Big Bad Admin Ian, coming out the Pub just before it's his round. 

🧥 Bonus Round – No coat. No mercy.

Whatever the weather — wind, rain, snow, Sand Storm or them great big, butch seagull attacks (they eat fish and Chips for Breakfast up North ya know) — I will NOT wear a coat. Why? Because dignity was left behind around £750 or at home before coming up with this idea. So what's a bit of wind up OOOh! Suit you sir.

🎁 Mystery Twist – £1750

Someone has promised to donate an item to “complete the outfit.” I don’t know what it is. I’m scared. We all should be.

🚆 THE FINAL LEVEL – £2000+

“Abandon all pride, ye who enter here.”

If we hit £2K or more, I won’t just walk the lights.

No no no.

I will put on the ENTIRE outfit in Essex, then make the full public transport pilgrimage to Blackpool. That means:

• The bus
• The train
• The London Underground
• Another train to Preston
• A transfer at Preston
• A final train to Blackpool North
• And then a walk to the hotel (kindly Donated)

IN FULL OUTFIT. With makeup. With pigtails. In heels. On a Wednesday morning, probably, surrounded by commuters questioning life after seeing me, dragging my dignity in a suitcase and my sole questioning what is going on.

Oh — and I’m also booked in for dinner with the lads that afternoon. Somewhere public in the North West of England. Because of course I am, (Someone get me my Agent, who would do a thing like this to me).

All for an amazing cause. This will be my last big fundraiser due to health reasons, so I want to go out with a bang. Or at least a twisted ankle and smeared lipstick.

Let’s make this MASSIVE.

💜 Support survivors. Raise awareness. Have a laugh at my expense.
🎭 And yes — no matter what, I’ll be ending the night at Funny Girls. Because where else would I belong by that point?

You decide how ridiculous I look based on how much you donate. Let’s make history. Let’s make me absolutely fabulous darlings. Or you could save my life from the growls of pain I suspect come with heels. 

Note - I will have a few Carers and stewards with me, medically trained should I have health issues and to support me (more like laugh at me) at all times.